7 Of The Worst Types Of People You’ve Shared An Ola Or Uber With In India
Share cabs are like a threesome that wasn’t correctly thought through. You might escape unscathed, but there’s a pretty good chance you’re fucked.
But there’s not really an alternative, considering not all of us make enough money to fund luxurious travel in a solo cab. Which is why there’s a pretty good chance we’ve all come across these morons who insist on making travel as inconvenient as possible for everyone involved.
#1 The Oversharer
It’s an Uber ride. At max, three hours is the time destiny has allowed the two of you. But this person, it’s a three-hour journey of life, where sharing his innermost thoughts is an acceptable practice even before you’ve had your morning coffee. Or tea. Or ritual sacrifice.
He’s here to talk about the things that matter, tell you his best jokes, about why he’s invested in his current job, but not sure if it’s for him. He wants you to cherish every moment, live out every dream.
And it’s not just you, even the driver isn’t spared from a detailed analysis of societal apathy that this guy thinks is fucking hilarious.
#2 The Cash Payment
It’s finally over. She’s just about to leave the damned cab and let you pick your nose in peace.
But there is still one obstacle to overcome – her cash payment. Why she won’t just link her card to the damned app, who knows. But you wouldn’t mind if she just gave her cash and walked away.
But its been ten minutes and she’s still struggling to convince the driver to give her change for 2000 bucks for a 120 rupee ride.
Only the tapri-wala next to your cab can save you now.
#3 The One Who Hates You
HOW DARE YOU EXIST.
This person was having a great day till you decided to show up and fuck everything up. They were on their way to the airport, or a party, or a murder and you with your stupid face showed up and made them take a route that has delayed their plans for a whole 5 minutes.
You disgust them and they’re not going to try to hide that. From glaring to covering their nose when you entered the car, they’ll make sure you’re aware of their despair.
Why didn’t they just book a regular car? Who knows. Not you. You know nothing, you worthless waste of passenger seat.
#4 The “10 Minute Bhaiyya”
Time travel does not exist. You’re sure it doesn’t. But if it did, you’ve been stuck in this loop for as long as you can remember.
You and the driver have aged at least a year in the ten minutes this guy is coming down in. He isn’t quiet about it either. He’s called you at least four times to assure you that he’ll be right down. He’s almost there. He’s down the stairs. He’s near the bridge.
Aaaaaand he’s going to take just 10 minutes more.
There’s only one excuse for this. Unstoppable diarrhoea. Nothing else.
#5 The Clitoris and Her Friend G-Spot
Where the fuck is this person? Where?
Everybody else can find it, why can’t you? According to her, she’s right there, at her location waiting for you.
According to your GPS, you’re right there, waiting for her.
She’s standing right opposite Sai Jewellers, so are you.
She can see that one statue, so can you. The only thing the both of you can’t see is each other.
#6 The One Person You Know You Don’t Want To Talk To
The author if this article currently resides in Mumbai. Mumbai is a city of 18.41 billion people. Which is why it should be pretty unlikely you’ll run into the one fucking person you really don’t want to talk to. But fate, like a Tusshar Kapoor film, can sneak up on you.
Which is why you’ll be doomed ot spend the entirety of this cab ride having a long conversation that starts with “Hieeeeeeeee” and ends with “You broke my heart, you bitch”.
#7 The Enigma
People can always surprise you with just how diverse and funky they can be. From cool clothes and accessories sot rich inner lives, there’s always something to explore apart from the obvious.
But not for him.
His t-shirt is black.
His jeans are blue.
He has a black, rectangular phone.
This phone has no cover.
His face looks like the default character from a video game, but with less recognizable features.
He hasn’t said a single thing since he entered the car.
He won’t say a single thing till he leaves.
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