The 7 Types Of People You Will Definitely End Up Smoking Weed With In India
Smoking weed is fun…sometimes.
Considering a majority of the Indian population either lives with their parents or in fear of their parents. Which means that they’re smoking in secret safe room where their parents can’t see them too clearly, or waiting desperately for their families and sanskaari roommates to go to sleep before they can indulge.
But the few times we are free to smoke in your own home, you’ll run into the weirdest people on the face of the earth.
#1 The Poet
Jab Jab Ghar Me Baadal Chaaye
Tab Tab Iski Shayari Mandraye
He has a little notebook which he won’t show you. Full of secret love poems. He’s saving them up for the love of his life. Or a Tinder date, whichever realistically happens first.
Until you get this guy baked. Then he’s like a stone Rabindranath Tagore stumbling around the room throwing words like “maya” in your face.
Do you want to hear his poetry? No. Will he make sure he reads it to your for 3 uncompromising hours while narrating how tough his upper-middle-class childhood was? Yes.
#2 The Manali Snob
What are you smoking bro?
Who cares right? as long as it gives you that delicious tingly feeling that you know and love, any weed will do. But not for this guy.
He’ll go on for 2 hours about how much better his weed is than yours. But he’ll smoke yours anyway. Like the asshole he is.
#3 The Sab Soye Allah Jaage
It’s 4 am and everything is winding down. You’re sleepy and out of food and condoms. So just as you’re about to hit the sack this guy takes one hit. One hit that gives him enough energy to channel the entire cast of Golmaal for at least another hour.
“Guys let’s go to the beach”
“Guys let’s cook pizza”
“Guys who wants to watch Sholay?” `
You have 2 options. Wait for him to calm the fuck down, or just kill him. That way by the time you’re in jail, you can finally get some sleep.
#4 The Great Debate
Do you want to talk about the value of the Congress’ seemingly tolerant policy as opposed ot the growth-oriented one the BJP proposes tinged with occasional nationalism while tripping balls at 2am?
No? Lol, too bad. Bring up anything and this guy can turn it into an argument that would make Arnab Goswami feel impotent for a year.
But sometimes, it’s a little fun to go with it, because he’s full of righteous anger and marijuana. Which means he’ll fuck up just enough times to make all the yelling worth it.
#5 The Hunger Games
You ordered 3 Triple Schezuan Rice Plates.
He ate two of them and would have eaten the third had you not pulled the plate out of his greedy hands.
Sober, this guy is the best. He’s a friend you can count on. Get him high enough and he turns into a
Lock your fridge and hide you Lays, he’s coming for them. And the worst part is when he wakes up in the morning, he’s going to be mad at you for not having any food left in the house.
#6 The Provider
How this guy have so much weed on him?
And it’s not like you don’t, you have enough to last you another week or so. But he always has some lying around. In his pockets, in his socks, in his backpack and he never refuses to share. Always up for splitting a joint, this guy is the absolute best.
So chill with him while you can.
Till the police eventually arrest him for possessing the same amount of weed as 4 out of work ad executives.
#7 The Great Pretender
Guys! He’s so high! So so high! He’s wearing a shirt with weed drawn on it, a rasta cap and has had dreadlocks for a whole two weeks.
But did you see him actually smoke any weed? Did anybody? Nope.
In fact, as much as he loves ot talk about how much he’s into weed and Bob Marley music, you’re fairly certain he’s never actually smoked a single joint, or ever actually heard Bob Marley.
Because the one time you played “I Shot The Sheriff” he kept asking what song it was.
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