10 Times Our Favourite Movies And TV Shows Were Celebrated In The Shadiest Way Possible – Sex Toys
Sex toys have a time and a place. Not all times, and definitely not all places.
But even though they’re not exactly family friendly, people love shoving them into places they don’t belong. Beloved children’s movies for example. Or franchises that speak to the deep conflict of a medieval economy and the onset of climate change.
Or Harry frigging Potter.
But because movie makers and fans are so stubborn about this, they’ve come up with some childhood-ruining and hilariously inappropriate ways to bring their beloved franchises to life
P.S. – Not all of these are officially licensed tie-ins. Not all of these are technically sex toys. But believe us when we say…they really really are.
#1 Harry Potter And The Vibrating Broomstick
Harry Potter has one of the most dedicated fanbases in the world. Nobody can resist the charming adventures of an 11-year-old who is almost killed every year he goes to school.
But Mattel, an actual toy manufacturer thought – how can we ruin the childhoods of 11-year-olds in the real world? Simple, a vibrating broomstick.
Naturally, parents got very upset and demanded it be taken off the shelves. But not before everyone on the internet took a screenshot to preserve one of the worst decisions in history.
#2 A Game Of Boners
Are you upset that Game of Thrones season 6 airs its last episode on Monday? Do you wish it could have lasted just a little longer?
Never fear, because unlike Winter, you can come whenever you want you with this brilliantly crafted GOT dildo. And so dedicated are the makers of this fine item, they’ve even left a little wolf head on top, to keep you immersed deep in the experience.
And in case you think sword dildos are tacky, no worries. There’s a dragon egg in which you can store your vibrators. Like the classy lady you are.
#3 Pokemoan Dildos
Okay, so even if we let go of the fact we are essentially shoving tiny animals into our naughty bits.
Think about how cruel it is to use Pokemon as dildos. Not only have you already forced them to live their lives inside tiny balls, now you’re forcing them into places they have absolutely no business being in.
Also why the hell does the Squirtle still have a shell on its back? What have you people done to the poor thing?
#4 50 Shades Of The Least Sexy Things Ever
So, you’d think 50 Shades Of Grey is the one movie that deserves its own sex toy line right? Well, they did.
But for some reason, a movie that was all about two white people doing the bang-bang had the laziest and least sexy collection of all time.
For example, a literal ruler –
A peechi your mom would absolutely love –
And a Teddy Bear who is lonely because they never made a female one.
#5 A Green Lantern Ring
Technically, this isn’t for your finger.
Unless you have really large fingers. Or a really tiny…
#6 Phantom Of The Opera’s Perfume
Again, not technically a sex toy but what in the hell did they expect? After all, there are very few other things this bottle can possibly look like.
Yeah. This looks like a perfume bottle the same way vibrators are sold in India as “neck massagers”.
#7 A Dark Night Rises
Batman has to be the most popular superhero on the planet. Good for him. It is only natural men and women around the world would like to step into his shoes. And want him to step into their butts.
With his very own butt plug.
But Batman is not a superhero who believes in restraint. He believes in having a gadget ready for every occasion. Which is probably why you can find a variety of dildos with his stern looking face on them.
Are they terrifying? Yes.
Are they arousing? We don’t judge.
#8 Star Wars
A long long time ago, in a bedroom far far away, somebody thought it would be a great idea to put a golden robot into their bum-bum.
Look at his face…he has seen things.
#9 The Guardians Of The Galaxy Are Not Happy
The Guardians are disappointed, but very impressed. So we won’t say much. We’l let their expressions show you exactly how they feel.
#10 Spiderman’s Laziest Venture Yet
Okay, the least we can say for the rest of them is that someone put some effort into these. Love and care were used to craft each item for ensuring maximum pleasure. Whether intentionally or not.
But this is not.
This is the laziest thing we have ever seen, and we have seen our friend grabbing french fries with their toes so they don’t need to bend their backs.
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