The Bedroom Blame Game: Are You Responsible For Your Partner’s Orgasms?

When it comes to orgasming during intercourse, a look at statistics across the globe will tell you that one side seems to be losing big time.

Yep.

Even though it’s each other they’re having sex with, only 25% of women consistently achieve an orgasm as compared to the whopping 75% of men who do so on a regular basis.

So does that mean that men are terrible lovers and women are Gods? No. But that was the first thought that popped into your head, wasn’t it?

The things is, over the years we’ve conditioned ourselves to believe that we’re directly responsible for our partner’s orgasms. The truth is, we’re not. We’re responsible for our own.

Confused? Allow me to explain.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were trying to get your partner to orgasm but it just wasn’t happening? Did you keep going at it even though it was uncomfortable but you didn’t want to hurt them or come across as incredibly selfish? What did that leave you with?

In my experience, soreness and disappointment mingled with feelings of guilt that maybe could have been altogether avoided if each of you had taken things into their own hands.

Don’t get me wrong. The give and take of pleasure is a beautiful thing. It’s great when your partner can play your body like a finely tuned guitar but honestly, bodies are complicated.

Sex, as you know, evolved for the purpose of reproduction, not keeping the female orgasm in mind. So if you’re a woman, you may have to tell your partner what you want and need, otherwise, they might never know.

Of course, the only way to do that is to first learn what works for you. Orgasms don’t come gift-wrapped in a box, but sex toys do. It’s really about taking control of your pleasure.

See an orgasm is not an experience to be given. It’s an experience to be felt.

It’s like laughter. It’s a reaction that emerges from inside us when the conditions feel right. A Comedian can trigger laughter, but they can’t “make” us laugh. They create the conditions that encourage us to produce laughter as a response.

That’s exactly what we, as lovers do. We create the right conditions for an orgasm to happen. That’s all we owe each other.
So when sex begins to feel like a chore, you can either accept fewer orgasms, or ask if they’d like to see you make yourself O!

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Amanda Francesca Mendonça

After spending pretty much all of my teen years waiting for a Hogwarts letter that never came, I gave up and settled for being a wizard with words instead. A hopeless romantic, when I’m not penning down short stories, I’m busy imagining my own happily ever after.

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