5 Terrible Attempts At Indian Superhero Films I Honestly Forgot About

The houses of Marvel and DC are at the heights of their power at the moment. They are knocking it out of the park. they are making all the money. They could literally make a sequel called “Avengers – We Couldn’t Think Of A Name” and we’d pay a shit-tonne of money to figure out the secrets behind the movie’s true name. But while Hollywood is busy pumping out sequels like water from a well not in Rajasthan, Bollywood has been…uh…lacking. Because even though Superhero movies have been around for a while, they’ve not been the best –

Like the time Hrithik Roshan donned his sexiest garbage bag and put on all the Brylcreem that the budget could afford.

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Or the time Tiger Shroff put on the sexiest blue plastic bags he could find and a Turban because the production crew couldn’t afford any Brylcreem.

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But these are the cream of the crop when it comes to Indian superhero cinema. The proverbial Citizen Kane of shit. But before these tatti films, there were some more tatti films we totally forgot about. Here is an ode to 5 of them.

#1 Ra.One

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Okay, this one is fairly recent…but honestly WTF was happening? Uh, there’s a dude called G.One – which is supposed to be jeevan but honestly sounds like an underwear brand – who is brought to the real world.

All this trouble takes place mainly because Shahrukh Khan designs a sexy Arjun Rampal villain who decides he’s too sexy for the digital world. So then stuff happens and real Shahrukh Khan dies…again.

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And then uh…he defeats Ra.One.

And then real SRK’s son brings fake SRK back to the real world. Because of some technology that can bring digital objects to life.

Science.

#2 Drona

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I definitely had no clue about what was going on in this film, but there was one outstanding bit of irony that makes this movie hilarious.

The whole plot revolves around Abhishek Bachchan not knowing who his real parents are.

Let the hilarity soak in.

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The one Indian actor who would literally not have a career without his parents has no clue who his mummy and daddy are in the beginning of the film.

Also, Priyanka Chopra wears a green dupatta throughout the movie which is nice.

#3 Zokkomon

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Uh, I never saw this.

Mostly because I truly, truly hated Taare Zameen Par. Sorry.

But, there were girls in my school who thought Darsheel Safary was the best! So they saw this movie. And then they started hating Taare Zameen Par too.

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Because nobody can take a movie named Zokkomon seriously. Not the actors, not the audience and definitely not Anupam Kher.

#4 Alag

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This one I saw!

The one with the bald guy! He was allergic to sunlight and he could move things with his mind. And then he was saved by Dia Mirza…because reasons.

Plus, back in 2006, I thought it was exceptionally cool that they refused to write the ‘A’ in Alag and put Akshay Kapoor in there instead. Also, the film’s villain was a white guy called Dr. Dyer. Because kidnapping a bald guy means you deserve to be named after one of history’s most notorious mass murderer.

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For all  you know, the good Doctor was just trying to introduce him to some hair growth formula.

#5 Indian Superman

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Yep.

This was a thing. Because, why not? Perhaps these screenshots would help answer some questions you might have.

This movie features stunning shots of Dharmendra in a blue shirt.

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Breakdancing child and shady crowd –

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Uh…

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An Islamic gentleman drinking –

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And Shakti Fucking Kapoor –

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So, anyone missing Krrish 3 yet?

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Posted by

Mehernaz Patel

"Her Jokes made me Udhas" -Pankaj

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