10 Indian Brands That Are WAY Better Than Their Western Counterparts
We need things to life our useless lives. These things are usually branded. Some brands are an integral part of our life…some not so much.
These Indian brands have been with us from the very start. For two very important reasons. Firstly, they tend to be cheaper in the long run. Secondly, it takes a long time for foreign producers to really understand how badly we need all our stuff to taste like masala.
Domestic goods are a great thing, but India’s market has also allowed for their consumers to have an extensive choice for all their important needs like food and less important needs. Like everything that’s not food.
But in all our lives we’re faced with a choice. And sometimes, the choice is harder than we can possibly handle.
Okay, so we’re kind of cheating right off the bat.
Uncle Chipps has betrayed us and is now owned by Frito Lay.
But they were the only things our lips focussed on for a solid chunk of childhood because licking off masala from Uncle Chipps is way better than eating Lays Cream and Onion like a deshdrohi snack connoisseur.
Now since Lays owns Magic Masala and Uncle Chipps, we can comfortably decide on which masala will make our morning poops that much spicier.
Even though India loves its chai, there’s one thing they love more. Overpriced garbage.
So, what overpriced garbage shall we choose? Cafe Coffee Day, the coffee chain that will retain some money in your pocket if the cockroaches in their food don’t kill you first.
Starbucks will screw over your wallet so hard that you’ll eat the cockroaches willingly to avoid starvation.
Brushing your teeth sucks.
It’s boring. We only do so people who talk to us don’t run away screaming.
Brushing once a day is bad enough, but twice is absolutely awful. Because right after you’ve had a great dinner, you’re in bed and just about to watch porn in government approved websites when you realize – shit, my mouth still smells like my dinner.
So whatever inspires you is fine.
There is regular dirt and then there’s Indian dirt.
It’s the dirt that’s not just you, but the collective sweat of at least 50 other people that has collected on your skin in one patriotic layer.
Dove is great and all, but perhaps Medimix is capable of really scraping the rest of your train compartment off your skin.
Honestly, just use one.
There’s really too many kids on my aeroplane. Please.
Washing hair has always been a proud tradition in India.
Attractive ladies and dudes have always been described washing their lustrous locks by the riverside. So even though you can purchase a reasonably good foreign shampoo at decent prices, it will never be as satisfying al endowing your hair with the goodness of exotic sounding stuff like amla and jadibuuti.
Again, cheating a little, Old Monk is an IMFL. Indian made foreign liquor.
But screw it. It’s as Indian as Chicken Manchurian. And rums may come and go. And then come again and again. But Old Monk will endure.
Because without it, your Coke doesn’t have a buddy.
Ladies, gentlemen does it matter where your cosmetics come from?
Which brand sounds fancier? The French one, obviously.
But Himalaya ads make me think of flowing streams and mountains. L’Oreal makes me think of a smirking Sonam Kapoor. It’s not a difficult choice.
Guys, don’t betray your nation.
Don’t let Donald Trump’s country give you cancer. Let India give you cancer.
It’s the only right way to die.
Does Coke have a single tagline you remember? No. The only things you really remember about Coke are mixing old Monk. The only things you really remember about Coke are mixing old Monk with it and how it can also be used as a toilet cleaner.
With Thums Up you can taste the Thunder. In fact, Salman Khan told you to taste the thunder. He might have killed people but what are your options really? Pepsi? Lol.
Also, Coke owns Thums up now. So we cheated for the last time.
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