As A 23 Year Old, I Have 7 Pieces Of Relationship Advice I Hope You’ll Take
So I have absolutely no right to be doing this. Like, who would possibly listen to a 23-year-old about anything?
If you want to know about taxes and shit, you’d ask someone older than 30. If you wanted to know about “cool” stuff, you’d ask a 16-year-old. Being in your 20s is pretty shitty overall but because I have access to remorse-free publishing, I’m putting my two cents in there anyway. Because if you’re going to take advice, you might as well take it from someone who has no clue what they’re talking about.
So here it is, 10 things that should probably help you not fuck things up completely.
#1 Don’t Celebrate Anniversaries Shorter Than A Year
No. Not at all. No. I don’t care how many reminders you’re capable of handling on a 5-inch screen.
Someone is going to forget, then someone is going to get hurt. Then you’re stuck figuring out whether you guys should celebrate on a Tuesday when you went to the CCD and ordered 1 Sundae of the Thursday you went the CCD and ordered a Sundae AND a mango shot.
#2 Have Some Semblance Of Sex
You don’t have to do all the filthy stuff. You should do some of the filthy stuff. Or at least some of the filthy stuff. Like a little filthy stuff.
Or just talk about it.
There are too many conflicts caused by a lack of understanding of what banging should be like. And even though we get some remote idea from movies, if Pahlaj had his way, we’d all just suck in bed. Or vigourously wink each other to orgasm.
But seriously, have that conversation about anal sex. Otherwise, it will catch you very, very off guard.
#3 Smoking Is Going To Be A Problem
Right, so this is random.
But if you’re a smoker dating somebody who is walky-talky cancer ad, you’re going to fight. A lot.
So just quit – smoking or the person. No judgement.
If you both smoke though, great. Nothing brings people together quite like cancer anyway.
#4 Learn To Do Separate Things, Together
Some prefer him dying of alcohol poisoning.
Some prefer him dying of heart problems.
Some people prefer him dying in the name of love.
It’s cruel to impose your favourite Shah Rukh Khan death on other people. Which is why do your thing and let your partner do theirs. Just do it together. For the record Dil Se’s death was the best.
#5 Remove Your “Last Seen” And “Blue Tick Mark” Thing On Whatsapp
Okay, I forgot what the blue tick mark thing is technically called.
But get rid of it. Away with it! Jala do deshdrohi tick mark ko!
Because not only will you not check your phone compulsively, waiting for people to reply, your boss won’t be able to see when you were last on WhatsApp. YAY!
#6 You Will Break-Up With This Person
This does not mean you will be cheated on or that there will be large ugly scene. This means you might just stay with someone long enough that even the smallest thing will trigger a huge argument.
This might also mean you need to move elsewhere and you don’t have the money to move together. Or you’re going to break your mother’s heart by being with this person and you can’t bring yourself to do it.
You might stick together through major life changes to the point where even though you’re still in love, it’s not with the same person.
Seriously though, is anyone willing to watch Dil Se with me?
#7 Don’t Date A Terrorist
It always ends badly.
Holy Shit, there’s no exception.
Because the only thing your partner should blow is your mind. Or your naughty bits. Or your soup so it doesn’t burn your tongue.
Feature Image Is For Purely Representational Purposes
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