6 Hilarious Stories That Prove That Food And Sex Do Not Go Together!

Food is a sensual experience. It involves taste and touch and smell and sight and sound. So does sex. But when put together, it’s a little too much, too messy. And the magazines? They lie.
Yes, it all sounds super exciting in your head. But come on, have you tried that stuff in real life?

I, for one, have experimented with everything from ice cream to maple syrup. The verdict? It’s disgusting.
But it’s not just me. Check out these 6 messy incidents where people tried to mix the two and ended up unhappy.

1. Mango Mousse Down The Whose?

Whipped up some mango mousse for dessert. Turns out, he wanted it served another way. Halfway through, he ends up puking. I’ve hated mango ever since.

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2. Don’t Play With Your Food.

A husband was buttering his wife’s bread one morning when he came up with the clever idea of sticking his thingy in the loaf. But instead of his wife, it was his dog who took a bite of the hot dog.

Doctors had to reattach it with plastic surgery.

3. Nutella Is Best Eaten Off A Spoon. Alone.

I thought it would be sexy to put Nutella on his junk. It got everywhere, even in my hair. It was bad.

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4. Be Careful What You Put Into Your Mouth.

I read that Altoids make a sexual experience better so I thought I would surprise my boyfriend with a great BJ. I popped three of them into my mouth and went to town. All of a sudden, he started screaming. The excessive mint had burned him.

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5. Use An Effing Dildo, Woman.

A patient came in with severe pain. Hours earlier, she had microwaved a frozen sausage to use as a sex toy but the heating softened it and it broke off inside her.
I had to remove it.

6. Don’t Fish When You F**k.

Seconds after we began, my nostrils were filled with the most pungent smell ever. I gaged and realized I was smelling raw fish. He’d rubbed a salmon on himself. He had an unusual sense of humour.
It ended there.

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Consider yourself warned.

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Posted by

Amanda Francesca Mendonça

After spending pretty much all of my teen years waiting for a Hogwarts letter that never came, I gave up and settled for being a wizard with words instead. A hopeless romantic, when I’m not penning down short stories, I’m busy imagining my own happily ever after.

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