Dear Relatives Back Home, This Is What Big Cities Are Doing To Our Relationships And Marriages
Millenials, have you ever come across a friend, an acquaintance or even a potential ‘rishta‘ at a matrimonial site who hasn’t had a broken relationship ever? Let’s skip the miniscule percentage of those who went to tuitions and came straight back home. Almost all of us suffer from our personal share of pain through never ending cycle of investing our hearts and then getting them broken. The problem is not you, the problem is not her or him, the problem is – the time. Maybe, this age can better be named as the ‘Heartbreak Age’!
Once talking to an elder relative, me and my whole generation were targeted for being the impatient ones, the ones who quit easily and get into petty fights finding the next exit doors through a divorce or a breakup. ‘Aaj Kal Ke Bache’ were charged for not being emotional enough to see through the bickering and constant hatred that is the essence of a successful marriage. The blame game kept telling me that women have become too modern to see through relationship issues and too confident to jump right to the finish line, rather than giving infinite chances to that one relationship which would make sure the earth keeps revolving around the sun. Reasons are many!
This led me to think what is wrong with us? Why is this actually becoming true? Divorce rates are increasing, break ups are a normal story and people keep coming and going into each other’s life. Marriage has become one big commitment and people think about it ten times before jumping into the well. They know that the well is too deep to have an exit and if there is an exit, it doesn’t open into lush green meadows of independence at all. Why is my generation and people of my age willing to give chance to fall in love and not getting married? Why are marriages getting too stressful to handle?
For the elder ones who seem to have won a marathon as they celebrate their 50th or 25th anniversaries throwing parties to hundreds, I have an answer today. For all the men who think their marriages have been a bliss as they go on Thailand trips all alone, making sure their ladies keep attending kitties I really have an answer.
For the women who seem to keep trying all sorts of new dresses and what not to make sure their pot bellied men give one appreciative glance to them, wait a minute.
I come from a small town, most of us do too. Most of us have seen our parents silently committed to their lifelong duty of taking care of us, with our mothers constantly under the stress of their mother in laws and fathers trying to find an answer to balancing the two important women in their lives. But one thing that is given is, these couples spent their entire lives in cities that didn’t take their lives on a daily basis. Most of them were from tier 2 cities with a constant or low paced growth where people are satisfactorily going on with their 9-5 jobs or businesses.
They did not have to slog to exist. I don’t say they didn’t work hard but a life balance was much easier to achieve, making it quite easy to plan a trip to Mussoorie or Mcleodganj once a year. Technology brushed these cities only through phones and tablets, roads got wider for their Porches, lush green bungalows became easy to afford and the quaintest cities finally become planned.
Their ancestors had been fooling the same stagnant population and have collected enough amount to keep the generations happy even if they keep burning their green notes for their entire lives. All they need to do is sacrifice their dreams of going to a big city to become a star or a singer and there you have a blissful life to earn money and spend it.
But what about the kids who dared to dream as you fed them with technical crap and sent them to schools that exposed them to the metros. What about the sons and daughters who were sent to places where only flights go? Yes, we ended up in metros trying to achieve a vicious dream that eats us day and night. Stuck in traffic jams, paying rents, wages to the maids to make sure we get one eatable meal, we spend every single day trapped in technical advancements, people back home have no idea about.
With jobs that take up most of our day, leaves that do not exist, labor laws that we Google and wish could send to our respective bosses, our generation is not far away from an impending doom. With divorces, suicides have increased too.
Heartbreaks are not the sole reason. The reason is how we are unable to make sure the love of our life stays despite us being bitten by the career bug. We wait for six months so that a week’s holiday takes us back home thinking months before to wait for another six if want a trip out of the country.
Trying to get some internal peace through a dinner every third day, we literally spend our entire lives managing money that doesn’t stay in our pockets. Tossing money between our internets packs, basic necessities, and luxuries (explaining ourselves that we work for that much), we don’t have mornings to sit for a cup of tea together with our better halves.
And then comes the wrath of having kids. Do you guys understand that we are literally dying here to keep breathing and you want us to bring another life to torture with the city’s daily demands? Besides, one needs to churn love and blissful moments to think of having babies that none of us has time to cater to! We live here away from your posh bungalows to make sure you can flaunt us on Diwali’s and marriages talking about our work you have no clue about.
And the question that most of you ask- job kaise chal rhe hai sucks! You have accumulated enough of wealth to make sure your kids get married in the most royal ways, trust me, we are worrying if we can manage a funeral for ourselves. At an age when you had your father’s house and a business to start when nobody had brains, you had enough time to manage the romances of life and have kids, tons of them! We are five years elder than that time of yours and still don’t have enough PPF to die in peace.
Unlike our local colleagues who still can manage to enjoy their meager salaries, lucky enough to be born here, we are supposedly in a relationship with brokers and owners, rather than our better halves.
With not a single weekend to meet our near and dears, we strive to understand love. You had families to keep sure love never left you, never mind the usual rants and complaints. A family that stays together makes sure love prevails no matter what. We come back to our silent houses and crash into the bed praying for the night to not end. We dread falling ill for we need to collect leaves to make it to our homes.
Yes, we came here for our own dreams, dreams that are now too tired to ask for accomplishments. Selfish teams, corporate cultures make us expect the same from our spouses for that’s what we have been taught in jobs. Trust flies through the windows as we have no time to work on it. Our personal goals and frustrations are too demanding to let someone else weigh us down with his or hers.
Where is the time? Still, we move on, clicking pictures and taking selfies to keep ourselves posted that we are in love. The same love that we thought would save us in the concrete jungles that basks in wavelengths and bandwidths. The same love that we thought would sit beside us on lonely Saturday mornings as we look out through our windows wondering what the hell did we do to be here! We fight for our ambition, dreams, financial stability every day. And we are not ready to give up on that, take a backseat and let our houses run on false hopes of companionship.
Maybe you all are right. We have forgotten to love. And, who has the time for love? How can we manage to work on relationships when every second of ours is scheduled in calendars bound by our professional responsibilities. We cannot even think of getting married without counting our leaves! And you ask for kids!
Perhaps, we should not have more kids. For what do we have to keep them alive? A lonely home and nobody to pick them from school? A language that is not the same as their parents speak? An essay about their cultural background that they won’t even get time to take a whiff of. Parents, that are not there for their annual functions, for who would give us the leave? Perhaps, they should remain where they are, away from this paradise that you think we enjoy our lives in.
KEEP IN TOUCH!
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