You Were Made To Love Tea Growing Up But Coffee Is The Greatest Beverage Ever. There, I Said It

Life sucks. Am I right or amiright?! Without coffee, of course.
If you love chai more than your blood relatives, this is a good time to stop reading this post. Because it is going to make you angry. Very very angry.

Chai is for the weak. Coffee is for people who can do with some bitterness in their life. Coffee lovers can adapt to most situations.
“Is this observation based on facts or statistics?”, you ask. Of course not!

Here’s the logic. One beverage that is made well across the country is chai.
Sadly, tragically, unfortunately, coffee does not share the same privilege.

I can count on 10 people’s digits how many times every tapriwala has ruined my coffee hit.

They screw it up! When you go to your local tapriwala for that coffee hit, you get milk. Hot piping milk with sugar. Lots of it.
Where is coffee, you wonder. Well, there is a slight tint of brown in the cup just so you can be assured you are drinking coffee and not milk. The taste says otherwise. As soon as you drink that milky coffee, your palate revolts, your brain screams at you for making a horrible decision. A decision to let a tasteless slurp of coffee ruin your day.

Having Starbucks’ well-roasted coffee is out of my aukat. I don’t fancy CCD coffee with a side of cockroaches.
There is hardly any choice left.
Until, you discover the beauty of instant coffee. You store the tiny sachets in every pocket you can get. You store it in your office drawer. This brown gold kickstarts your vital stats so you can pretend to be productive all day.

It keeps you alive. When you feel utterly pointless at work, and question your life’s purpose there is a bottle of coffee waiting in the drawer, calling you to convert it into a hot cuppa deliciously strong coffee.

The bitter and sweet combine to form this beautiful elixir that revitalizes your senses. It works for some time.
Then you crash. Hard. Harder. If you drink black coffee. Then you make another cup, hoping it would get you out of your zombie mode. Then the cycle continues.

Until the very thing, your life depended on turns lethal AF. Okay, not lethal but it screws up your sleep cycle.
You lay there in the bed waiting for sleep to invade your senses. But coffee is on your mind. But you can’t have it because 2 am is too late to be awake anyway.

Coffee, its potent magic, the caffeine that you craved for turns into a low-key addiction. Your life now revolves around making important decisions. Like –  should you be actually be drinking filter coffee at 7:30 pm, when you have serious sleep issues and existential issues right before you are dead to the world?

Coffee is life. But is this the life you wanted? Take a hard look at your mug (not your face! The vessel in which you are drinking your coffee!)

Is the coffee hot? is it the right consistency, or the right shade? Are you happy with that dark mess? Tell me you are.

Because if not, my friend… I have something serious to tell you.

If you can’t coffee right, what are you even doing with your life?!

Or is your coffee like that guy you fell in love with. A disappointment.
You thought the adrenaline rush would get you through the day. But no. Like love, effects of coffee fades away. You need to keep working at it. You need to keep stirring coffee in your body, till you can stay awake or shake.
To experience life. To its fullest. To its darkest. Is the color of your life, matching the one in your coffee mug? Then change it! Just make sure it does not pale.

You try to keep the coffee experience, exciting. But it isn’t anymore. How many times can you have the same coffee out of that same chipped mug? Yes, you guessed it right. 284 times!

But you don’t care anymore if you are addicted. You are hooked on the caffeine and it is ruining your life, unbeknownst to you.

Your next destination is decaf coffee. You promise yourself. But promises are meant to be broken.
Especially when it is coffee. Always when it is coffee.

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Posted by

Srilata

Tagger of memes and maker of awesome coffee. Also, writes mean stuff once in a while. 'She makes jokes so bad, they are good. Kinda.' ~ Everyone

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