10 Hilariously Expensive Versions Of The Clothes You Wear Everyday
Clothes are a basic necessity. In fact, you’re probably wearing some now. If not, hello. You’re way more comfortable than I am.
Clothes have come a long way from the leaves and cloth of the past.
We use clothes to express our sense of style and how much we hate going to the gym. We spend hours and a whole lot of money to find the things that help us look our best. And we have more options than ever before about what we want to put on our body.
But this also means that some people want to hide their genitals using more expensive shit than the rest of us, which is what probably led to these atrocities.
They basically have one purpose – to be there for you when nobody else is.
Jeans are there when your too fat but still want to look like you only ate 2 plates of biryani. They’re there when you want to wear a kurta but not look too traditional. They’re there when you’re drunk and want to flash people but can’t because the button and zip are hard to understand.
Which is why it’s incredibly stupid to have jeans with diamond studded buttocks. Your farts will smell as bad but hopefully look better though.
People might think women wear dresses to look pretty. Mostly it’s just because we don’t have the energy to put on pants.
But there’s no dress more special or more unnecessary than the one you’re forced to wear on your wedding day. Because it’s hot and sweaty and diamonds aren’t helping with that at all.
The official uniform of men looking for job, the humble shirt has a long and proud tradition in India.
Whether tucked into your trousers or left hanging loose, it’s a great way to let people know that you can afford to not wear a T-shirt all day. But sometimes, regular shirts aren’t enough. You need something to stand out.
Something that won’t just showcase your style and professionalism, but also your love for blinding everyone in the sunlight. Because god knows India hate spending money unless it’s painfully obvious.
Bras are very straightforward. They hold shit together and keep your ladies warm in the winter. So why would you buy one with hard ass diamonds pressing against you? Because you can, that’s why.
Because there’s pride in showing people the exact geographical location of your nipples.
Pride in having them ask – is it just cold in here ar are there shiny rocks on your boobs?
Sarees are inconvenient as is. Nobody has ever been truly comfortable in one and if they say they have they’re lying.
But if you’re going to spend all your money on a piece of cloth, might as well be one that’s 9 yards long. You can live on it, use it to clothe yourself, cut out little squares for toilet paper and when your dead from not having money for food, it will handy to wrap you up in.
Suits are great.
Men look sexy in suits.
Men don’t look sexy when they’re drinking from straws in case they stain their suit that cost them their life savings.
Where do shoes go baccho?
They go on the floor. The floor is the same place people walk on, spit on and pee on. Depending on where you are of course.
So why would you put a lifetime’s worth of rubies on the floor? Two reasons, rubies stole you vada pav in school and you want to punish them. Or, you smoked a particularly good batch and it seemed like a great idea.
Political correctness prevents us from making any jokes about the burqa.
But we will say this, if you’re spending a ridiculous amount of money, you might as well spend it on something that covers every single inch of you. Because diamonds, rubies and jewels are gorgeous to look at. Gorgeous enough to justify spending millions.
But you…why would you spend money just so people end up looking at you?
If men looking for jobs are wearing shirts, men who’ve found them are wearing ties.
Or the men who still didn’t find them are trying harder.
The tie squeezing a man’s neck is a timeless symbol of how he is now employed and never be truly comfortable again unless he’s in the direct draft of the air–conditioner.
It’s too hot for sweaters you guys.
I’m sure in North India there’s a reason to wear wool, but for the most part, if you’re wearing a sweater, it’s the only thing you’re wearing or you’re dead. Because the sun killed you.
But on the plus side, the amount you’d sweat when you’ve spent your insurance money on a gold sweater will really help you lose all that jalebi weight.
Your corpse has never looked better.
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