12 Bollywood Movies That Perfectly Describe All Your Horrible Exes

So we’ve all been in relationships, right? *radio silence*

Well, we can hope. But for the lucky ones who have found people who are willingly happy to get naked with them, they’ve definitely been through a lot of stress and drama. Because nobody ever said love would be easy. Or cheap.

But after all the pain and suffering of dating almost exclusively the worst people on the planet, you can definitely use some help organizing all of them so you never have to run into them ever again.

Which is when Bollywood comes in handy. Because whether you know it or not, you’ve been dating versions of Bollywood movies all your life.


Aaw, looking back, you and KKHH had a really special connection. You grew up together, more soulmates than lovers. You did everything together, you played ball together, you pretended to play the guitar together, you even wore inexplicably tight shirts and complimented each other on how well they fit.

But deep down, you knew KKHH never felt the same way about you. The fucker started sharing his lunch-box with your friend the first chance he got. That bitch.

Also, it turns out he named his daughter after you, which is really really creepy.


When it finally happened, you really couldn’t believe it.

Someone finally asked you out. You have a boyfriend and you can’t wait to show him to the world. Except your dad is really really not into him. He’s smart and handsome and plays the guitar? What more could your dad possibly want?

Eventually, he kind of just went away but left a lasting impression on you. In fact, you could swear the next guy you dated looks suspiciously like him.

But you’ve also found all those songs he wrote for you were copied, so maybe your dad was right about this one.



It’s 4:30 in the evening, you’re at Geography tuitions, and then he walks in.

Tall, dark and with hair longer than your school would ever allow. Damn! It must be illegal for one person to be this attractive. He rarely talks to you but keeps borrowing your pens without returning them. He’s even been to Goa with his friends. How cool is that?

Your love could never be though, he lives far away and rarely sticks to one place for too long.

Plus, he’s really changed over the years and you’ve realized that things that were cool when you were 13 aren’t really cool anymore.


You met him when you were 16, but we’re pretty he wasn’t.

He was cool, rich and kept talking about his dad. Athletic, a brilliant dancer, a little spoilt, SOTY was a cool experience that got irritating pretty quickly.

Maybe you would have been more into him if his creepy friend Dilwale wasn’t constantly hanging about.

Also, he had a friend that you were way more interested in any way.


You’re tired of going out with weirdos and freaks, you want the warm comfort of a friend. A friend who has stood by you all these years but you never really gave him a chance. For some reason or another, things just never worked out.

But that one college trip to Switzerland changed everything.

You were in love, deeply-madly-truly till you got home and he followed you there. And then decided to hit on your sister. You called it quits when he beat up a man at a railway station and then got arrested for travelling without a ticket.

Honestly, you’ve outgrown this drama


Did somebody say DRAAAAAMAAA?

Oh, my god, this man does not understand boundaries. No matter what you do he’s creepily following you around with a diya, staring intensely at your face.

Your friends keep telling you he’s been drinking but you can’t help but feel sorry for the guy, so you give him a chance. Till his mom called you a kothewali and you decided the alcoholic stalker just wasn’t worth it.


Now this is a real man.

He is a hunter and you really really want to see his gun. All day, every day.

He’s mean, rough around the edges and can’t be bothered to improve his language. But you’ll be damned if you don’t find it hot as hell. He does have a lot of family drama going on right now, but you can’t help but going back to him again and again.

He just keeps getting better but eventually, you realize that the fire of your love burns a little too bright so you should probably back off before his brother in law shoots you or something.


You liked the guy, but then he bloody refused to leave.

It was fun for a while but you were better ff as friends anyway. But then he took shit to the next level by throwing a flower pot at your wedding and drunkenly singing in front of your entire family.

Things were looking up for him when his music career took off and he started dating this gorgeous poet. But then he invites you to an awkward dinner and starts getting creepy again.

You even pretended to have cancer, just so he’d go away, but he thought that would be the best time to politely ask for sex. For all you know, he’s outside your window right now, waiting for you to love him back.


Tom Cruise is really not as cool as this guy seems to think he is. He spent like three months abroad and suddenly he’s all “Jack Daniels is better than Old Monk”.

What a dick.

But you couldn’t help go for the guy, even though he kept insisting on copying everything Americans do because he thought it made him sexier.

He also had an unhealthy obsession with going ot Pizza Hut and drinking a diabetes-inducing amount of Mountain Dew.


Wait, didn’t you hook up with this guy a while ago?

It’s hard to remember but this is definitely not the first time you’ve seen him. Which is weird – because literally, nothing else about the guy is memorable.

Also, he was a total ass to you the one time your building life was not working properly.


Not another protest-cum-date. C’mon it’s like the third one this month.

You’re a feminist, but he’s a FEMINIST. Constantly critiquing you for your life choices and not recognizing your privilege. This guy seemed great at first, but really, there’s no need to get so worked up about every single thing is there.

He also stole some stuff form a shopping mall which is when you decided enough was enough.

If we’re being honest, you only went out with the guy because Ratna Pathak Shah told you to anyway.


You have been talking to Padmavati for bloody months now, where the fuck is he.

You’ve chatted on Tinder, you’ve chatted on Facebook, you’ve almost exchanged nudes on Snapchat. But what’s up with him. He just won’t commit to a date with you.

He keeps saying Rajput extremists are holding him back, but that excuse sounds a little convenient doesn’t it?

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Mehernaz Patel

"Not as funny as she thinks she is..." -Facebook Comment Section

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