The Worst Possible Things To Tell Your Dad This Father’s Day!

HAPPY FATHER’s DAY DAD! It’s been a great 23 years! We’ve laughed, cried and shared a decent chunk of our lives together. Which is why every Father’s Day I disappoint you with the same garbage every year. Whether it’s the 536th tie in your collection or another bottle of perfume that makes you smell a little shady because I’m poor and can’t afford good perfume – it’s been a slightly poor showing.

Why?

Because you’re richer than me dad. You can afford better tings than I ever could. Which is why I kind of give up every year and buy you garbage. But at least I have never done any of this. So you’re welcome, dad, for never dropping these bombs on you.

Also, we’re using Amrish Puri to illustrate how devastating these statements for the average Indian dad.

#1

Father's Day

So let’s just get this one out of the way.

This has to be the No 1 worst way to absolutely ruin your dad’s day. Naturally, we are working under the assumption you aren’t married. Because not only are you in a mildly precarious social situation involving the question “Bachha kiska hain?”. Your dad is also now acutely aware that his darling daughter has been uh…genital to genital with some dude.

This will not please him.

Also, if you’re married, congratulations beta. Your dad will smile knowing that you will now have to put up with all the crap he has had to over the years.

#2

Father's Day

Okay, so this is not to stereotype every Indian dad into one single lump. But most dads aren’t too excited about this. I mean, their primary goal typically is to provide a good life for their children and then hope and pray their children can take care of themselves.

Which is why when you tell him you want to pursue arts, he doesn’t really picture the savvy copywriter position you dream of. He pictures the shitty junior copywriter job you’re probably going to get.

He sees his child starving and cold because knowing the difference between Romantic and post-modern literature doesn’t pay bills.

#3

Father's Day

Oh Shit.

Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit –

Now what?

Either he honestly tells you and now you can never look each other in the eye again OR he doesn’t tell you and admits ignorance. Or best option – “Jaake apni ma ko pucho”.

#4

Father's Day

Your dad has been very careful with you.

When you were tiny and pathetic, he handled you carefully and made sure he dropped you as rarely as possible. When you were tiny and stupid, he made sure you didn’t eat mud. Now that you’re large and stupid, he is trying to keep your finances in check.

You know how you can ruin all his efforts?

BY HITTING A WALL HEAD ON AT 100 KILOMETERS AN HOUR.

#5

Father's Day

This happens a lot in Indian households. Mainly because our fathers are these invisible men for most of their childhood. They show up to yell at you and then they go to work. We don’t really know our dads. I didn’t find out who my dad was till I was at least 20.

And I don’t mean literally.

I mean, he was pretty much a stranger who paid for things. But now I know the guy. He’s pretty awesome.

So don’t say these things to him. It breaks his heart. Because he’s really trying hard.

I love you, dad. Happy Father’s Day.

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Posted by

Mehernaz Patel

"Not as funny as she thinks she is..." -Facebook Comment Section

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