Why Do Nice People Choose The Wrong People To Date?

“Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?”

-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower 

I think all of us have, at some point in our lives, asked these questions. And I think the answer writer Stephen Chbosky gave us, “We accept the love we think we deserve”, is a profound piece of wisdom that changed my understanding of modern relationships.

Having lived through an emotionally abusive relationship that I clung on to like a sinking ship for years, I know this is true. I knew he was bad for me, I knew there was no reason to stay. And yet I did. And what’s worse, I defended my choice every day, to myself and others. 

I feel like Sansa Stark all of a sudden.

couple-fighting

It took a long time and intensive damage to my person for me to realize that I could do so much better. It took a long time for me to to realize that the love you deserve, and the love you think you deserve are two different things.

But at that time, I was sure that he was the one.
Why? Was it because I was afraid to be alone? Because I believed that this was as good as it got?

Or was it my sheer inability to think of myself as the best that led me to settle?

It probably was. Because the minute I decided to really see myself for what I was worth, walking out the door became the easiest thing in the world.
Which is why I’m asking you to do the same.

lonely

Because you don’t deserve a silent phone or an unanswered message. You don’t deserve to go to bed wondering if he actually cares. You don’t deserve excuses. You don’t deserve to wake up alone.

You don’t deserve a “Maybe”.

You don’t deserve to be stood up, to be taken for granted, or to be second best. You definitely don’t deserve to be lonely when he’s around.

What you deserve is a goodnight kiss, and a call to ask if you’re doing okay. A real conversation. Breakfast the morning after.
Someone who will hold you when your life doesn’t make sense. And stays because they want to. Someone who believes in you. Someone who makes you brave, and the best version of yourself you can be.

happycouple


You deserve someone who knows your worth. And is willing to fight for you. Someone who will come through. Someone who will choose you, over and over again. Someone who wants you as much as you want them, and most importantly, isn’t afraid to show it.

You deserve someone who makes you happy.

That’s what you deserve. Demand it.

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Posted by

Amanda Francesca Mendonça

After spending pretty much all of my teen years waiting for a Hogwarts letter that never came, I gave up and settled for being a wizard with words instead. A hopeless romantic, when I’m not penning down short stories, I’m busy imagining my own happily ever after.

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