How Not To Screw Up Relationships Before They Begin
When I was about 5 years-old, I walked up to my Nana’s fish tank, emptied out the whole can of fish food into the water, and killed all its inhabitants. Then I fished out the dead fishies and fed them to the cat, who refused to love me anyway.
And so it goes. You meet someone great. You click, you start talking, and then you go on your first date. Then you show up at his workplace with a cheesecake you baked and an I love you.
Then he disappears, and you’re left with lesser than what you had, to begin with.
More often than we know, we end up killing our fish trying to feed it too much, too soon.
And by fish, I mean relationships. So really, this article is about relationships.
People who actually care about their pet goldfish, this is where you stop reading.
I’m a seasoned fish-killer. I know I have a problem, and I also know I’m not the only one. Whenever I have a chance at something new, I always manage to mess it all up because man, I have no chill.
I love plans, charts, tangible data, figuring shit out and knowing, “Where is this going?”
I get excited and inevitably, go overboard expressing my feelings with big gestures and even bigger words. It’s only a while before I begin making plans for a life together and naming our unborn children. I think it’s incredibly romantic. Understandably, the other half, not so much.
And so it ends before it’s even truly begun.
Can I really blame them? Not really.
I overwhelm them in a whirlwind of emotions they can’t help but drown in. So of course, they run away, scared.
After killing quite some fishes, here’s what I’ve learned: At the start of something good, you take baby steps.
Don’t turn up at their parents’ house at 10 pm in your sexiest lingerie. Not after the first date, not after two. You meet them where they are. Match their pace. Give it time. Give it space. Give it a chance to grow and get stronger.
Don’t pressure them into getting into the deep end when they can barely swim.
Don’t expect immediate returns on your crazy investment.
And only take the leap when you’re sure they’re ready to catch you. Until then, enjoy the simple joys it offers, as and when they come.
Because you can’t fit a whole lot of magic into a raindrop. You need the rain.
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