He’s Here In Every Waking Moment, Watching Every Move I Make #FearFest

He speaks to me. Follows me wherever I go. Watches my every move. He even lives me with me.
Or he would, if he were alive. I want him to go, but he stays.

It started off innocently at first. Just a shadow, just a reflection, just a whisper. I didn’t mind.
It was somehow, comforting to not be alone.

But lately, he never leaves at all.

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There was a time, a whole lifetime ago, when he wanted to leave. He wanted someone else. But I couldn’t let that happen. I did what I had to, to keep him with me forever. But it wasn’t supposed to end this way.
We could have been happy if he hadn’t ruined things. If only he had listened then. But it is too late for what could have been now. Too late to undo what has been done.

watching2

There are days when I wake up and feel nothing. In those blissful moments, I am whole, ordinary. Sometimes I can go through the entire day feeling like that. I am thankful for those days.

Then there are days I know he’s here before I’m even awake. Those are the days I wake up cold, and afraid, and naked.

Like tonight.
Tonight I wake up covered in cold sweat and the air driven out of my lungs. Before I even open my eyes, I know it is him from the faint smell of the cologne he used to wear.

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I can’t move. He has me pinned to the bed. I can’t scream. I know I need to wake up but I can’t. The only thing I can move is my lips.
And so I speak. A whisper, a plea.
“Leave me”, I say.
He only smiles his wicked smile and growls back, “Deeper, now.”

And then I’m plunging through reality into nothingness.

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Posted by

Amanda Francesca Mendonça

After spending pretty much all of my teen years waiting for a Hogwarts letter that never came, I gave up and settled for being a wizard with words instead. A hopeless romantic, when I’m not penning down short stories, I’m busy imagining my own happily ever after.

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