Coffee Is The A.R Rahman Of Beverages. There, I Said It!

Disclaimer: This rant was made during a coffee high, the writer is not responsible for coherent thought.

Why AR Rahman you ask? South Indian geddit? Geddit?

Bad joke, let’s move on.

If you love chai more than your blood relatives, this is a good time to stop reading this post. Because it is going to make you angry. Very very angry.

Chai is for the weak. Coffee is for people who can do with some bitterness in their life. Coffee lovers can adapt to most situations. “Is this observation based on facts or statistics?”, you ask. The answer is – Of course not!

What it feels like to be a coffee lover in a chai nation

Here’s the logic. One beverage that is made well across the country is chai. Sadly, tragically, unfortunately, coffee does not share the same privilege.There have been countless times that a  tapriwala has ruined my coffee hit. They screw it up! When you go to your local tapriwala for that coffee hit, you get milk. Hot piping milk with sugar. Lots of it. Coffee barely makes a cameo.

Best of the worst options

Having Starbucks’ well-roasted coffee is out of my aukat. I don’t fancy CCD coffee with a side of cockroaches. There is hardly any choice left. While a chai person need only shell out Rs 12 for a great coffee, a coffee person needs to spend ten times that to get a decent cup.

We then settle for instant coffee. These tiny sachets are stored in every pocket and drawers. This brown gold kickstarts the vital stats so you can pretend to be productive all day. It keeps you feeling alive and worthy when you feel utterly pointless at work. When you question your life’s purpose there is a bottle of coffee waiting in the drawer, calling you to convert it into a hot cuppa joe.

The bitter and sweet combine to form this beautiful elixir that revitalizes your senses. It works for some time. Then you crash. Hard. Harder. If you drink black coffee. Then you make another cup, hoping it would get you out of your zombie mode. Then the cycle continues.

It churaos neend more than any A.R Rahman song

The beverage overtime screws up your sleep cycle.You lay there in bed waiting for sleep to invade your senses. But coffee is on your mind. But you can’t have it because 2 am is too late to be awake anyway. The potent magic of coffee has now become a low-key addiction. Your life now revolves around making important decisions. Like –  should you be actually be drinking filter coffee at 7:30 pm, when you have serious sleep and existential issues right before you are dead to the world?

It makes you question everything, like the maestro’s lyrics

Coffee is life. But is this the life you wanted? Take a hard look at your mug (not your face! The vessel in which you are drinking your coffee!) Is the coffee hot? Is it the right consistency, or the right shade? Are you happy with that dark mess? Tell me you are. Because if not, my friend… I have something serious to tell you.

If you can’t coffee right, what are you even doing with your life?!

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Tagger of memes and maker of awesome coffee. Also, writes mean stuff once in a while. 'She makes jokes so bad, they are good. Kinda.' ~ Everyone

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